The Pleasure of Being Flesh

I am at the moment (June 2005) giving birth to a new body of work. If not a new body then at least a new conception of the work. It’s exciting because the new work leads to such exquisite physical sensations.

One of the benefits of doing what I do is that when I work on others, I am also required to simultaneously work on myself. The quality of what I communicate through my hands or voice is directly related to the quality of my own balance.

When I walk home from work of late I am experiencing the most exquisite sensations. Every breath feels delicious and each step feels like settling into a hot bath. It’s not just that it feels effortless to walk or that my perception has been expanded to include a much wider range of emotion. It’s the sense of appreciation I feel for everything as I move around. It’s just delicious.

Most of my work is about sensing. This particular development is about sensing emotion within particular areas of our bodies. It is paying attention to the physical sensation of emotion. Doing this has enabled me to undo layers of physical tension and stress I didn’t even know I had.

I’m not doing anything with the feelings or even looking at issues that may be related to them. I just sense how I feel and notice how it is embodied. Actually I do it the other way around. I sense the sensations within a particular area of my body - often whilst holding the area - then tease the feeling out of it. It’s such a fundamental notion and so effective I’m surprised I haven’t thought of it before.

I arrived at it by accident. In fact I was ill at the time. I had a nasty bout of flu. I have had a long history of Asthma and during this bout of the flu the asthma was strong.

I woke up one morning in need of asthma medication but stayed in bed and did something different. I could feel the restriction to my breathing deep within my ribcage. I placed my hands on either side of my ribs with my thumbs between two ribs and listened. I became aware of emotion that I was feeling in that area. It was like an apprehension or anxiety that seemed to be driving the muscular tension. I held my ribs and sensed the link with the emotion without trying to change anything and my ribs relaxed. I became aware of other areas in my ribcage and held them in the same way with the same effect.

I noticed related tension in my upper belly, my neck and my hips and tried the same process. I relaxed deeply and found that my breathing had returned to normal.

I felt terrific walking around after that and continued sensing the connection between the way I was feeling and the organization of my body without trying to change anything. Whenever I felt restriction in my breathing I would repeat the process. I didn't have any need for medication for eight months even though many things that would normally have triggered asthma occurred.

It felt as though I had got to the emotional core of the asthma. It didn’t relate to a particular emotional incident. It was more like a generalised feeling of anxiety that had become a way of being. It was a feeling that was so uncomfortable I had placed it away from my conscious awareness and it had stayed there as a background feeling. Once I was able to find it, and, most importantly, accept it, it was no longer so intense.

Since that time I have continued working with the idea and have found it very helpful. I was surprised by the amount of anxiety that was there just below the surface. It was so habitual I didn’t even notice it. I am as a result of my explorations much more in tune with the way I feel. I am aware of a much broader emotional spectrum. I’m feeling blissful on many occasions as well as feeling many different qualities of sadness or apprehension.

I don’t have to do anything with them, or even pay attention to what may have caused them. If I sense them and allow them to be, whilst noticing the way they are embodied, they become a part of life’s colour; something that comes and goes like the wind.

I am finding that some of the people I am working with are getting terrific results from this particular approach. When they pay attention to an area of their body that is causing pain or discomfort and listen to the emotion they experience within it, they experience relief. It is simple and painless. It just requires close and subtle attention.

Beyond the relief from pain, there is also this experience of the bliss of bodily existence. When you take away the fear of emotion and really pay attention to the way you feel, it actually feels pretty good. The pleasure of being flesh is transitory and something we should truly savour. Taking the time to pay attention to the way we feel physically and emotionally - without trying to change anything – can help us appreciate what we have and hopefully inspire us to use it.